Posts (page 2)

I went for an impromptu tea at the Wolsleley (how do you spell that?  I always get carried away with the Ls) last night and there was a brilliant lady in there, having tea with her children (thus reinforcing her widowly status), cramming in eclairs with a be-jewelled and painted claw.

With her improbably red hair, she looked like a cross between Lucille Ball and Baby Jane.

How many houses have you lived in? How is where you live now different from where you grew up?

1972-77 The big house in Leeds.  Well, probably not that big in hindsight, but it was a three-bedroom detached house, with a shed and a swing and roses in the garden, where it always seemed to be sunny.  It's also the house where I was born.

1977-90 The slightly smaller house in Sunderland.  I shared a 6 x 6 foot room with my sister (bunk beds), something we often tell her children when they moan about not all having their own rooms. 

September - December 1990  Due to the infinite wisdom of my parents, they arranged for me to stay at the Jewish halls of residence when I went to college.  It was like the horror of being at summer camp with morons having water fights and arranging crazy larks at all hours.  Several tearful calls home later and the application of yet more eyeliner and I was allowed to move out.

January 1991 - August 1992 A shared house in Birmingham with three boys.  The role of third boy had a fairly high turnover, second boy was a complete, ketchup down his pants, mental and the first boy became my boyfriend.  That sounds romantic and dreamy, trust me, it wasn't.

August 1992 - October 1992 A pub in Sowerby Bridge which belonged to said boyfriend's uncle.  It was actually quite good fun and sometimes we'd stay on a friend's narrowboat to get away from it all.

November 1992 - April 1993 (?) The dates are a bit hazy here - I went back to my parents for a bit but also spent some time living at the mental housemate's new house which was round the corner from the old one in Birmingham.  He was letting the other spare room to a couple of my best mates and had to live with the sense that we were all having far more fun than he was.

April 1993 - April 1994 Girlington, Bradford.  Those of you who know Bradford, will know this isn't exactly the nicest place to live...  I moved there with the boy from Birmingham and we promptly broke up (in the house of second house-mate, funnily enough).  Another friend moved in, the roof nearly fell in on his head, then he ditched me to move in with the other two from Birmingham (remember them?  from the spare room) so I moved to:

May 1994 - December 1994 Great Horton, Bradford This was a vast improvement and we had constant hot water, and everything.  Unfortunately I was living with a psycho so it was a bit of relief when the landlord phoned and said he wanted his house back.

January 1995 - October 1995 Bradford I moved over the road from the previous house, with the girl who lived next door.  She was fairly bonkers but we had fun in the main until I got back from holiday and she confessed she'd actually moved out but hadn't wanted to tell me, but not to worry, she'd met some bloke in the launderette and he was going to move in.  I ran away shortly afterwards.

November 1995 - November 1997 Tooting!  I rented a house with a friend of a friend and ooh, it was exciting to be living in London.

November 1997 - April 1998 Highgate, London Due to the flat I wanted to buy falling through, I had to stay with my sister for a while in North London.  Boo.  Not long before I was back in the welcoming arms of the Saaaarf though.

April 1998 - now Tooting Towers and very, very happy I've been there too.

So twelve houses in all.  Is it very different from where I grew up?  Listening to the incomprehensible children shrieking in the street last night, I'd say, no, probably not. 

Good

My drinking companion, Mr S was waiting at the bar and struck up a conversation with the lady standing beside him.  'Oh, aren't ladies fussy?' she said, indicating the pink cosmopolitan being prepared.  'er...that's for me' he was forced to admit.

Dirty martinis and fish finger sandwiches.

Standing in the pub in Soho, I saw a man in a long black coat and hat rummaging in a bin.  'Why is that rabbi going through the bins?' Rabbi turns round.  'Oh wait, it's Pete Doherty'.

Very, very, very bad

Midori and lemonade.  Why?  Why?  Sweet baby Moses WHY?

Are there any people you would not tell if they had food in their teeth or if their zipper were down? Why or why not?
Submitted by Charms.

Yes.  People I don't like.

This also applies for lipstick on the teeth as well.  Why?  Because I am spiteful.

Old lady with Brian May hair and a baby-pink, sequinned sweatshirt having a groove in the Deli department to 'Blame it on the boogie'.  She *may* have clocked me stifling a snigger.  Oops.

Came out the door and almost walked into Lady Penelope, 30 years on - massive sunglasses, blonde bob with a very, very expensive blow dry and masses of frosted pink lipstick, bearing absolutely no resemblance to where her actual lips might be.

There's not much pissing me off at the moment, apart from my dreadful skin, but the fruit bowl has been replenished so I'm sure it's only a temporary set-back.

What's boiling my kettle

1. Eurovision.  Do you know how much I love Eurovision?  When we were little we weren't allowed to watch telly on Saturdays, until Sabbath was over (after it had got dark).  This meant that every single year until we left home, me and my sister would wait, poised, counting down the seconds until we could dive at the telly and switch it on.  Unfortunately, due to the time of year, this meant that we missed all the acts, but still, we stayed glued to the screen, watching the scores come in and at least we got to watch the winner do their song again at the end.  It was a very special moment when I was able to watch the whole thing.  Terry Wogan sober!  A half time show!  Incredible.  Revision's going to be put on hold on Saturday and I'm glittering up my house in preparation.
2. Giles Coren.   *sigh*

Show us your mother.

Here she is, in 1960 with my oldest brother, looking remarkably like Amy Winehouse.  I normally try and avoid Mothers Day (be it here or in the States) but at the funeral her friends said I had her grace, which wasn't something I'd acknowledged either of us having, but here I think she does.  Maybe one day, I will too.

Mummy

How many pair of shoes do you have? Out of those pairs, how many do you wear more than a few times a year?
Submitted by fightinggale.

More accurately, how many have I never worn?  Let's see...

1. Black and purple knee-high boots (aka the Boots of Happiness)
2. Tan mid-calf clunky boots
3. Black knee-high lace up boots with ribbons (mid-heel)
4. Burgundy very high heel ankle boots (very expensive, too high to walk in)
5. Black high heel ankle boots with buckle
6. Black snakeskin knee-high boots
7. Black suede knee-high boots (flats)
8. Beige suede mid-calf boots (bought in Australia because I foolishly went on holiday without any boots)
9. Brown mid-calf, wedge heel boots (from Argentina - same reason as above)
10. Black pointy kitten heel, mid-calf boots (v. expensive aka Break-up Boots)
11. Brown pointy kitten heel, knee-high boots
12. Slightly metallic black, knee high, stiletto boots (round toe)
13. Black knee-high clunky boots with buckle
14. Cream knee-high high heeled boots
15. Red patent peep-toe wedges
16. Red silk peep-toe slingbacks
17. Black kitten heels with punched hole patterns
18. Black t-bar shoes (mid heel)
19. Red strappy sandals with flowers on
20. Red suede high heel sandals
21. Black patent brogues (mid heel)
22. Black mary janes with four straps
23. Black and grey (antique Italian leather) high heels with ribbons (very high, very beautiful)
24. Metallic purple adidas pumps
25. Pink and grey adidas pumps
26. Pink converse (in tatters)
27. Tan kitsons with roses on
28. Green suede and leather high heels
29. Electric blue suede wedge sandals
30. Pink polka dot mary janes
31. Pink suede stilettoes
32. Turquoise metallic kitten heels
33. Gold 40's style strappy wedges
34. White and black patent high heel mary janes
35. Black leather pumps with jewels on
36. Purple satin peacock slippers
37. Black velvet and satin stilettoes (too big, too high, only worn at home)
38. Brown high heels with satin bows
39. Purple snakeskin kitten heel mules
40. Satin brocade high heels
41. Gold leather pumps
42. Navy patent high heels
43. Brown pointy flats
44. Black pointy flats
45. Black suede wedge sandals
46. Black suede kitten heel sandals
47. Bronze sandals
48. Turquoise and gold beaded sandals
49. Lilac strappy high heel sandals
50. Brown cord wedges (not very comfortable)

There are probably more but I'm started to rack my brains for them and 50's a nice round number, hey?

I'm a bit late because I've been trying to think of interesting things I haven't already shared with you all at one time or another.

1.  I have a fear of doors slamming, especially in quiet places.  This results in me hovering outside offices, while I gently pull the door closed.  Sometimes, I'll pull too hard, or won't realise that I'm standing too close and it'll close abruptly and in my ears, with an earth-shattering crash.  Then I'll jump and apologise to the door and run away.

2.  I was in hospital for a few weeks when I was nearly three although I'm still not entirely sure what was wrong with me.  Apparently it was quiet serious, but I mainly remember the good parts - my own set of Fuzzy Felt, the x-rays and the toilet cistern landing on my mum's head while she was on the loo.  When I came out I was very frail and skinny and I remember having been somewhere with my dad on a Saturday and whining that I was tired and wanted to be carried on the way home.  He wouldn't pick me up because it was still Sabbath and you can't carry then (yes, I know, it makes no sense to me either) but because I was whiny his friends all laughed and said 'oh, just carry her' and he carried me the last few yards home.  One of these friends came to see us in Israel, after mum's funeral and he took one look me and told me the same story - I probably hadn't seen him since it happened, but he remembered me, and it.

3.  My ex-boyfriend once hit me on the back of the head and I saw stars.  I didn't think that really happened in real life, only in Tintin books and cartoons.

4.  Apparently, I have scoliosis, but still find this hard to believe because surely someone would have noticed before now?  Isn't it the sort of thing you know about from childhood? 

5.  One of the holes in my ears was pierced three times: the first time by a boy who took out his own earring and stuck it straight in my ear.  Unsurprisingly, it went septic and I had to go to hospital for a telling off and antibiotics.  The second time was when a friend brought her mum's piercing gun to the pub and I thought it would be a good idea to let her at me in the toilets.  She barely got it in the lobe and it's lucky it didn't go into my neck.  I eventually admitted defeat and went to get it redone at a shop.

6.  One of my favourite memories of my mum is sitting on her knee on the black, vinyl sofa in our house in Leeds and singing along to 'Save all your kisses for me'.  I still unashamedly love that song.

7.  My ideal job would be sit quietly somewhere, in a room full of books, doing quiet research (with special, non-slamming doors).  I'm jealous of my dad, who, for a while in his career, was just paid to think.

8.  8, I forget what 8 was for... oh yes, the nails on the middle fingers of my hands don't match, because I used to suck the fingers on my right hand and damaged the nail beds.  That sounds less grim than it was - I'd gnawed through to the bone, wore down my baby teeth and had open sores on my fingers which I still put in my mouth.  Eventually, the only way they could stop me doing it was to let me wear nail polish if I stopped and I stopped right away.  I was 5.  But a very glamorous 5.

Going down

• Everyone who gets in my way on my commute to work.  Yes you!  Man walking slowly, whilst reading the paper.  And you!  Girl with backpack and whiny boyfriend.  Get out of my way!  Where's Babs to bring back Death Tube?
• Any advert concerning 'delicate underarm skin'.  I'm sorry, since when was 'delicate underarm skin' a problem?  What are the alleged symptoms?  Genius work on the marketing people, for managing to sell yet another non-product and I'll keep an eye out for the forearm lotion, or earlobe gel.  Please: send me something useful, like shin cream, where I actually do have dry skin.  (Although, on second thoughts, I reckon I could make a fortune on earlobe gel, flogging it off to old ladies who spent too long wearing too-heavy earrings).
• Jimmy Carr

Going up

• Blogging at work!  Yeah!
• Remember that essay I was struggling over a few months back?  I got a first!  A first!! 

Normally I try to have more positive than negative points, and I'm sure there are more positive, happy things in my life, I just can't remember what they are (not in a bad way, I'm currently absorbed with lunch, to be followed by more chocolate from the snack box, so I can't concentrate) but the fact that I got a FIRST is filling me with more than enough delight.